This isn’t exactly a post I am thrilled to share with the world (okay, just those few semi-faithful readers), but here it is: My pants don’t fit. They just don’t.
I have a love-hate relationship with food. I mean, I really love good food. I like to cook, I like to bake, and, most of all, I just like to eat – is that so awful? If I just eat whatever I want, my body blows up – and not over a long span of time either. I literally feel like I woke up and my clothes didn’t fit anymore – I mean SURELY I should have noticed them getting a little too snug for comfort. Please don’t judge if you see me wearing the same outfit – I promise they are clean, I just prefer to breath.
In either case, I tend to do well with black and white, all or nothing. If I am tuned in to Weight Watchers, I’ve got it. Whole30, I’ve got it. If I just try to eat healthy consistently, I have no self-control. Why can’t I just EAT? Every single meal does not need to be a battle. I should not constantly be fighting off the munchies. It’s not like I eat like a COMPLETE heifer, either, I genuinely love my veggies. It’s frustrating. It’s so frustrating, in fact, that it makes me want to eat a brownie & drink a Dr. Pepper.
It’s not that I don’t want to eat healthy, clean, whole foods. I do – I mean, REALLY, I do. That’s where most of our grocery bill goes. I just can’t seem to get my ish together day-to-day.
It doesn’t take much for my body to remember my college freshman 15, err 30, so anytime I revert to even a glimpse of my “old ways” it snaps back and all my hard work of getting into wedding day shape is gone faster than I can say hot buttered bread. Oh my aching knees, they are not used to lugging around these extra pounds.
And here is the other bad thing: I really don’t like working out either. I mean, after a good work out I feel good about it, of course. & if I go to the gym consistently, I start to kind of love it. BUT it’s just not FUN. I mean, running around for 45 minutes? It’s not fun. It’s boring. Especially since I have no music on my iPod –it’s running for 45 minutes in silence with nothing to think about except how hot it is and how much I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest. Yeah, that sounds like a blasty blast. Zzzz! Plus, I never played sports so I am a bit of a failure when it comes to that – my poor coordination and lack of skill has me banned to the gym. Yay – an elliptical – can’t wait to spend part of my evening stepping over and over and over again…
No matter how many inspiring quotes or new workout routines I post to my “Inspiration” board on Pinterest, I still tend to favor my “Sweet Treats” board when it comes to putting my money where my mouth is. Or in this case, baked goods where my mouth is. & carbs, oh the love of carbs, who doesn’t want freshly baked bread with a side of pasta?
Sigh. I know what you are going to say – you just have to make up your mind and stick to it. you just have to be disciplined. AND, I know you are right. But why can’t I just eat like a normal human being? For the rest of my life am I really going to have to be tortured, I mean, eat a strict diet in order to maintain a healthy and confident weight for myself? Say no – please say no.
I know it is not as bad as I am making it sound and I cannot possibly be the biggest person on the planet (I mean…right?), but really ya’ll, MY PANTS DON’T FIT. Please tell me I am not the only one. For reals, this is out of control.
2 comments:
I COMPLETELY understand!!! My pants don't fit either and I have the self control of a wild animal who hasn't eaten all winter.
hahaha! You crack me up! For some reason I never read this post before.
So, on a more serious note, I would suggest you do a fast. Like the Daniel's fast or something--just for a a couple of days, or a week or 10 days at the most--because honestly (sorry, this is not really the encouraging "don't worry, you'll never struggle with this again" reply) it's a spiritual thing. Which is something I've come to realize. Yes, it is a problem I will always face if I try to face it alone. It's ultimately a spiritual struggle and then a physical one. If I can first approach "eating healthy" (aka self control) as a spiritual problem that I need God to help me fix...oh my goodness! The whole process changes! If I realize how much I am depending upon food, how much I think I "need" or "want" food, then it really becomes an idol of sorts in my life. Even exercising/dieting becomes an idol and I begin exercising/dieting for the wrong reasons. In which case, yes, I will then always struggle with eating and gaining weight. So as you begin you weight loss journey, spend some dedicated time in prayer and Scripture and ask God to forgive you of food related sin (yes, I have that kind of sin in my life. Yes, I've asked forgiveness for that ;-)). And also ask Him to give you a godly and holy view during this journey, an eternal focus rather than a temporal one.
Okay, on a more lighter note...I HATE HATE HATE doing anything in the gym that is repetitive. Keep on preaching about the treadmill and elliptical--I hate both. Which is also why I LOVE dance so much. Of course, that's harder to do and costs money. Soooo, I've been doing weight lifting! Not crazy stuff. I literally started at 5 pounds and like 3 months later I've been able to move up to 15 pounds. Sam and I are doing a workout plan that changes every 4-5 weeks. I haven't lost pounds yet (and I think that's partly my bad eating habits that I need to crack down on myself), but I feel like I'm starting to lose inches (or at the moment, centimeters) and my clothes are very subtly starting to feel looser. So I would suggest looking into that. Just do simple easy weight lifting so you're not spending 45 minutes on the treadmill. You'll only need to spend 10-15 on treadmill/elliptical and then do a simple strength training workout that consists of about 8 different exercises. One day may be 8 different arm and shoulder exercises, another may be abs and back, and the third may be legs and butt. Once you get the hang of the exercises, they're easy to do and it's constantly changing and you have physical goals to work towards (like moving up in weight, doing more reps, doing more sets).
Ok, that's all for now! :-)
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